Fall From Grace

I haven’t been able to write anything since my last diary entry. It’s because I had nothing positive to say and to be honest, it’s not going 100% the way I need it to go at this point. Before I left, everyone was in awe of my big move and excited for what was to come. I imagined once I arrived and got out of the ‘finished college and what the hell am I doing’ slump, that things would start looking up. A new start. I came ready to throw myself into my new job and start to build a career for myself. One that would make me want to jump out of bed every morning. I’ve had contacts and referrals for huge companies that I would be so proud to work for and I gave 110% into my applications. I hit the same barrier every time – no visa restrictions and must be enrolled in a college or university. So here I am, four months in, over 100 applications later and the pressure is just building and building.

Not only this, but as an international, it took 2 months and a lot of frustration to finally get an apartment. I’ve had my my stuff stolen, the ATM ate $760 which was returned to me two weeks later but I really needed it- so much set backs. This city is vibrant and enticing but it’s also claustrophobic and challenging. The bloggers really don’t paint a realistic picture for us. It’s now that I’m questioning, is life really perfect for them here? People always look so adventurous and glamorous on social media but are they really enjoying themselves, or is it all for show? Everyone tells me that things will look up soon enough, that you have to be patient. One third of my visa is already lived and I can’t see anything bright in the near future that’s going to make me feel that I’ve achieved something. I also finished watching Gossip Girl which is probably best.

Is this some quarter-life slump? Does everyone go through this once they leave college? I need to pick myself up, stop feeling sorry for myself, stop making excuses and either enjoy this year and be adventurous, or be a go-getter and chase my dream job (whatever it is). It’s the 3rd of January and it’s the best time to get my priorities straight. 2017 has to start with positivity, this list will help me achieve it:

  • Eating healthy and cutting out sugar (except for the odd treat of course)
  • Booking trips to other states
  • Exploring what the city has to offer in my free time
  • Call my parents more
  • A new wardrobe
  • Going to dance classes, acting classes, trying new things
  • Stop being afraid to do these things alone, because I’m definitely not alone

I’m sure everyone my age is going through something similar. In school or college, you have a purpose. You’re there to get a degree and you have no time to do anything else, so why not enjoy it? Your dreams are fresh and and it’s okay for them to be far away from you. It’s when you leave that the anxiety strikes. Your parents are questioning you, asking you when you’re going to be making money of your own, what direction your career is headed. You are constantly trying to prove yourself to everyone around you. Everyone asks questions about where you work, what you want to do and you’re like “I don’t know what I want for dinner this evening”. It’s okay to answer with “I don’t know” because some day, maybe three years from now, maybe ten, you’ll have their answers. You’ll be exactly where you need to be and these worries will be a distant memory. Plus, everyone’s granny is on social media. Just check my Insta.

So it’s time to push the anxiety and stress out of my system and start thinking positively- I’m in the best city in the world, I have my degree and I’m 23, not a bad place to be at all.

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